A common phrase used among older generations and films is “real men don’t cry,” which perfectly represents toxic masculinity as a concept in society. That phrase states the very thing that toxic masculinity stands by: men have to maintain an unreasonable standard of masculinity. Men need to be strong, stoic, and independent. These aren’t bad attributes to strive towards–many would look for that in a man. However, there is a line between masculinity and toxic masculinity. The phrase “real men don’t cry” implies an impossible boundary. Many would argue that toxic masculinity is a thing of the past or just non-existent in general because phrases like that are not as prominent now. However, toxic masculinity is a commonly used term for a reason; this very trait can be exhibited in and onto men very often, affecting both men and women with the aspects that come from it.
It’s important to understand both the natural forces and the traditional values that contribute to the development of this boundary of masculinity. Before our species truly evolved, strength would be a main factor in deciding a leader. As mentioned in Men Will Be Men: The Troubling Origin of Toxic Masculinity
Early humans, apes, and other primates often exerted control over their communities through brute physical strength and intimidation (with some high levels of impulsivity and aggression thrown in). (Jaffe)
This article elaborates on Jaffe’s own experience which focuses on how he was raised. However, he felt the need to add this and how men today often strive for similar standards from the past. He did this to showcase the elements of natural and learned forces. The power dynamic was an animalistic decision millions of years ago. Despite evolving as a species, that natural habit of establishing control through strength can still be shown in humans. Because of human development, smarts have also become a factor in strength as well. The first college was built and attended around the 1630’s; however, women weren’t allowed to attend until the 1830’s. Similar to opening a bank account, voting, and other aspects of control. All things women couldn’t do until it was approved by those in power. Which put men as superior, not only because of the natural cases already discussed, but also because of what was learned. Like a dad telling his boy that he throws like a girl or to toughen up for the real world. Natural forces and traditional values are buddies for the concept of toxic masculinity.
It’s inherently obvious how the mindset would affect women because of the superiority these types of men often feel. Toxic masculinity holds hands with forced gender roles, and it is no secret that most of those roles can negatively affect women. An article, The Harmful Effects of Gender Roles Through the Development of Toxic Masculinity (Machismo), brings up in the very first line:
One thing I really hated growing up was the idea that my mom and I had to serve my dad and my brother their food at dinner time and clean up their plates from the table when we were done. (Luna)
Luna goes into detail about her life and the culture in Mexico, withholding these standards. Bringing to light the gender roles and how they affected her. Despite the difference in culture all around the world, this foundation of responsibility placed on women is often exhibited everywhere. In a way that almost feels predictable, like we all know that trope in old-timey commercials of a 1950’s man ordering his wife for a Hill Bro’s coffee that’s now only 15 cents!
Even though people like to think we’re more progressive now, there are several other aspects this level of superiority shows. More women are in the working class; however, wage gaps are still a big issue many face. Women-dominated jobs, such as teachers, are getting criminally underpaid, and the government is trying to keep it that way. As mentioned in an announcement from the National Education Association, teachers had to start relying on unions as Trump continues to cut wages for educators. It’s easy to say gender roles aren’t as enforced as before, and they aren’t. However, there is still a superiority men hold in society.
Not only does toxic masculinity affect women negatively, but it also hurts other men as well. If you ever had the displeasure of scrolling on social media and finding an ‘alpha bro’ podcast clip, then you already know the blatant misogyny many of these guys endorse. They often degrade women, but they also set other men up for failure. The example used before of the dad telling his boy to ‘toughen up’ is cliche but real. One aspect that is shared between these cartoonish fathers and alpha bros is the emphasis on never being vulnerable. Stated in Why Men Have a Hard Time Opening Up and Being Vulnerable.
To them, “being a man” means you have to suck it up no matter what, hold in your feelings because no one really wants to hear it, be stoic, do the work, and provide. Many men feel like they either fit under the label of “weak” or “strong” and it’s all based on the results of their efforts and their ability to provide. There is no in-between. (Buck)
This statement well analyzes the mindset people have not only have on themselves but also on others. The beginning phrase ‘real men don’t cry’ shows that, and it doesn’t take a genius to know just how dangerous it can be. Men aren’t machines, and emotions shouldn’t be repressed. This claim feels so obvious, like a lesson in a cartoon that they’d break into song about. However, it needs to be stated. Men would grow up admiring and striving to be like the very people who tell them not to be vulnerable. No matter the intentions of those who say that, they are negatively affecting men’s mental health.
Although there are instances where using the term ‘toxic masculinity’ is harmful. Like against boys when showcasing bad behavior. Explained in the article–Toxic masculinity is a harmful myth. Society is in denial about the problems of boys and men.
Indiscriminately slapping the label of “toxic masculinity” onto this kind of behavior is a mistake. Rather than drawing boys into a dialogue about what lessons can be learned, it is much more likely to send them to the online manosphere, where they will be reassured that they did nothing wrong and that liberals are out to get them. Adolescent girls are, after all capable of similar kinds of bullying and disrespect, often toward other girls, but it is not instantly cast as “toxic femininity.” (Reeves)
It puts into perspective the biases between young girls and boys. Which ultimately would uphold a stigma, and a question that many might have. Why is it so common for people to throw this term around against boys rather than girls? Why isn’t toxic femininity used as well? Double standards are there for a reason. It would be a gross generalization to outright say that girls can’t be toxic or they can’t hold mindsets that are similar to toxic masculinity. However, men have built up a society that normalizes that kind of behavior in boys. The reason why many call it out so much more now is because it’s something that people want to stop normalizing. The sentiment “boys will be boys” has been such a staple in society that it’s important to call out bad behavior early on. Not to say every bad thing a boy does should be labeled as a symptom of toxic masculinity, but holding them accountable is important when it’s been normalized not to.
Toxic masculinity is a real problem that can’t be dismissed. It’s a mindset that hurts everyone in different ways, deriving from misogynistic beliefs and an almost animalistic origin; trying to deny its existence is harmful.
